Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
