Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
