found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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