You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
