Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize