my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
