she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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