She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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