My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
