Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
