god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize