She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
