fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
