Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
