Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
