i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
