okay pat passed out under dana's car
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
