dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
