pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
