just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
