Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
