i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
false alarm. still invincible.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
