Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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