He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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