Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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