I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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