According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
