Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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