In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
