every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
