on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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