me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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