Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
