11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
