Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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