I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
