Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
