We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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