she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hippo gnu deer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
