Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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