I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
