Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
