Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
