We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
