I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
