the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
