There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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