Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
