did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
