She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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