if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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