Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
