Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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