I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize