been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He has the fingertips of a God
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