nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry about my life...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
