I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
