Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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