we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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