absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
