the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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