I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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