I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize