My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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