we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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