last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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