yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
