i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
