I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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