what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
