he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What a dumb baby whore.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
