am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
