how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
