If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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