I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
