Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
