Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
