your parents love me but you hate me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
